hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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