Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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