Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
