It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
