when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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