ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
