What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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