I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just high enough for therapy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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