Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
