I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
