He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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