You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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