Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
