I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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