You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
