My first STD was from a foam party
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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