I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
