singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
