I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
