She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You don't make any sense
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