I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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