based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
