guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
