She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
