I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She bit a glass in half.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
