The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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