I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
