btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we're so committed to being not committed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
