I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
