Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
