I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
