69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
