im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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