You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
