I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
