My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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