I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
