In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need moral support for this bender
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
