I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
