it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
