I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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