im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
