This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
