He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
