I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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