Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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