So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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