do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
