Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
