i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hippo gnu deer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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