if you like me you must not know who I am
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
