then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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