I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
