Define "chronic" masturbator.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
